My abuse started at birth and ended at 17.
My abusers were my mother and the men that paid her for my tiny body. My grandfather who sacrificed me as a lamb to the slaughter to over 2,000 men for tithes & a reserved spot in heaven.
At that point by age 7 I understood that I was traumatized. So much so, I found comfort in it.
From enticing men with my pornographic alphabet to being sexually satisfying to the beast that was my schizophrenic mother.
I embraced my abuse as it was my 24/365. As I found my first taste of confidence and ego in molesting my older teen sister when I was 5 to 7. I felt I had taken my power back but no, I was just traumatized.
As an adult my rage made me a collector of others’ trauma, it was the only way I didn’t feel like the victim I was. I proceeded to re-abuse myself by giving consent to over 2,000 men I paid to simulate my abuse.
My voice is for those Survivors who’s rage turned them into abusers repeating the cycle of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).